Now just a little disclaimer – we’re not marriage specialists by any means and we all have good times and bad times in any marriage, but I just wanted to share some small tips that have helped us get through some of the bad times and what we continue to implement in order to build a happier married life.
Firstly, one thing we definitely want to put out there is – do not expect a fairy-tale marriage – those movies you watch are not representative of real live, hence why they sell! Now don’t get us wrong, there are days where you will feel like you are living the dream – but it’s easy to forget those good days when you are going through hard times! So if you enter marriage with realistic expectations, you’re less likely to be disappointed but also you are more likely to work through the hard times quicker – instead of running to get a divorce at each hurdle!
Secondly, pray together! For those that aren’t religious you can just have quality spiritual moments together. Honestly, there’s something so amazing about turning to God or spending time reflecting on life when things aren’t so good, and knowing the person you sitting with is praying for the same thing as you – a happy marriage (hopefully LOL). Another activity would be Yoga – something that relaxes your mind and soul and in turn you’ll be more prepared to tackle difficult situations. One of these days try waking up with your spouse before the sun rises and literally sit together in silence and watch the sun rise (if you don’t have a balcony why don’t you make a trip to a place where it’s calm and you can watch the sunrise easily), then sit down and take a few minutes to explain how you’re feeling or what’s bothering you…Which goes into the third point…
Thirdly, talk! In the beginning when it’s all fun and games you stop yourself from fully explaining how you feel, for example, if something’s bothering you you let it go because you love them. However, once you’re married and you’ve been living with this person day in and day out, it will start to grind on you and then you will most likely overreact – but the difficult thing will be the other person will have no idea why it’s such a big deal as you’ve never complained that he leaves his towel on the bathroom floor before so it seems you never had a problem previously…lol get the point? So talk everything through. I once read a couple should have at least one meaningful conversation per week, purely to address any issues; this way you avoid trying to address it whilst you’re angry, but also you’re able to talk it through like…well like adults! lol! This really helps you to stop letting things build up until you explode!
Also, do things as friends. So for example, my husband likes things related to cars or video editing – I don’t…But to get involved in his hobbies I’ll show interest when he is editing footage etc and this helps me to learn more about him other than being my husband who takes out the bin when I ask LOL! Also I feel like when you have that friendship, everything else falls into place because you have that respect for each other, so when you do argue or go through a really difficult time you’re able to rely on one another not to hurt your feelings intentionally. A good friend knows how to console you in your time of need so being a friend is so important in a good marriage. I have to say Ayaan was my rock throughout losing our son and it really makes a difference when someone can be a friend to you as well as your partner in life.
Last but not least – keep your marital problems to yourself. I won’t go into too much detail as we don’t have personal experience of this, but we’ve heard from a lot of friends that they opened up about their marriage to friends and then ended up taking the wrong advice causing further problems. Remember every single person will advise you based on THEIR experiences and THEIR opinions, also some find it hard to ignore their views and will try instil them on you, affecting your ability to think clearly. Marital problems don’t get solved by telling others – they get solved by talking to the person/people directly involved . Alternatively if you do feel like it’s something you can’t talk to each other about, you can always go see a counsellor – someone neutral.
Again these are things we are implementing to build a happier life, and not all will work for you but it’s always worth trying something new to fight for someone you love! Let us know what works for you!